Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Tragedy in Sandy Hook

No matter how much I write or think, I can't scrub the imprint of this tragedy off my brain.  I have children.  Sweet little boys that still come for hugs when they are hurt, but are old enough to use the microwave.

Friday's tragedy is absolutely and unquestionably the worst nightmare of every mother and father.  Even those words sound trite because they don't quite capture the nightmare.

The people in Sandy Hook are heroes - living and slaughtered - they did every single thing right.  Why am I not comforted?  Because it means that you can give it your all and it won't be enough.  There wasn't one thing those teachers could have done differently.  They followed the book.  They saved lives and it wasn't enough.  The bullets still pierced innocent flesh.

The media drives me insane with their ridiculous questions.  How did it feel to wait in the fire house?  How the hell do you think it felt?  Like every cell in your body was on fire.  Like every ounce of your being was weighing in the balance.  Were you the have or have nots?  Were you the blessed or the cursed?  Were you the victorious or the pitied?  Would your child be one of the slaughtered?  Would you feel guilty is she weren't?  No one can imagine that wait.  No one.  I would have been beyond insane with fear.  If my child didn't walk through the door, I would not know how to put one foot in front of the other.  I would not know how to exist.

It provides absolutely no comfort that the shooter took his own life.  Every parent should have the right to look into his eyes and say, even in their heads, what they need to say to him.  But, obviously, our justice system would not have done any justice, so it is better that he slaughtered himself.  We would have made a thousand excuses to keep his life lit.

I don't know why I an't stop turning in my head this tragedy.  As a mother...as a teacher...as a friend...it just resonates deep in my core.  How do we protect the most innocent among us?


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